Thanks for the Feedback
The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well
by Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen · first published 2014
83% recommend8% neutral8% critical
Why HN recommends it
Practical guide to receiving feedback well, with a framework for understanding how it lands and how to act on it; recommended for engineers, managers, and anyone who wants to grow from criticism.
Summarised by Claude from recommending comments
"The bestselling authors of the classic Difficult Conversations teach us how to turn evaluations, advice, criticisms, and coaching into productive listening and learning We swim in an ocean of feedback. Bosses, colleagues, customers-but also family, friends, and in-laws-they all have "suggestions" for our performance, parenting, or appearance. We know that feedback is essential for healthy relationships and professional development-but we dread it and often dismiss it. That's because receiving feedback sits at the junction of two conflicting human desires. We do want to learn and grow. And we
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…an individual can get maximum benefit from feedback. One of the biggest sources of growth for me has been actively engaging and acting on the feedback I receive. For more on that, I strongly recommend Thanks for the Feedback by Sheila Heen. You're right that it's hard to get others to learn from feedback if they don't actively work at it. You can make your feedback easier to understand and more action-oriented. But if they're…
on “Ask HN: Do we really need performance feedback?” ↗On the topic I often recommend the great book Hard Conversations, and another by the same authors Thanks for the Feedback. They give a detailed breakdown of how communication actually works so that my overly technical brain can apply it.
on “How to deliver constructive feedback in difficult situations (2019)” ↗…to receive an annual review or feedback from code commits. It's a feeling of wanting feedback to continue growth, and fearing it due to sensitivity. One book I've enjoyed which equips confidence is "Thanks for the Feedback." It's a book by Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project. Prepare to read one chapter every few days. It's a heavy read. Well written, it's an abundance of information: you may…
on “Why So Many Artists Are Highly Sensitive People” ↗One of the most useful books I've ever read was "Thanks for the Feedback" [1] I've read a lot of the more standard books like "How to Win Friends and Influence People", etc. I feel like this book is similarly valuable, but a lot less well known. [1] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18114120-thanks-for-the-...
on “SQL: One of the most valuable skills” ↗…anyone interested in managing people, particularly engineers. This book presents methods and processes for helping individuals maximize their impact, while remaining grounded in reality and humanity. Thanks for the Feedback, by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen. This book gave me great insight into how I handle feedback and what I can do to make the most of it. It also helped me understand how others might take my feedback,…
on “Ask HN: Books to read when you transform from SWE into SWE Management?” ↗Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen. I think it has made me a better teammate, mentor, and mentee. If you'd like to know more before buying it, check out…
on “Ask HN: Non-tech books that have helped you grow professionally?” ↗…classification problems that your engineer faces. There is a sometimes a balance between being condescending by giving someone info they already know and not providing enough context for an explanation. The book "Thanks for the Feedback" [1] is a good read and Erika Carlson's talk[2] from Lead Developer UK is a good watch. [1] https://www.amazon.co.uk/Thanks-Feedback-Science-Receiving-W... [2] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsfNS9HSWQs
on “Ask HN: Non-technical employees don't get along with engineer” ↗…One of the harder lessons to learn is how to deliver constructive criticism and feedback... I have not come across any books or courses on constructive criticism to share. I strongly recommend the book Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen. It lays out a framework for both giving and receiving feedback. I also recommend their earlier work Difficult Conversations:…
on “Ask HN: Resources for introverted devs to learn workplace politics?” ↗I don't know that any of them changed how I think about everything, but some books I liked that I think are somewhat less well known: - Thanks for the feedback [1]. How to give and receive feedback well. - Start [2]. Sort of your run of the mill self help book. Thought it had some nice insights in it. - Glass House [3]. Talks about the deterioration of industrial…
on “Ask HN: What books changed the way you think about almost everything?” ↗Thanks For The Feedback[1] is a pretty decent book on the subject. Highly recommended if you're interested both in the mechanisms and improving how you receive/give feedback. [1] https://www.amazon.com/Thanks-Feedback-Science-Receiving-Wel...
on “How to do a code review” ↗I'm partial myself to two books from the Harvard Negotiation Project (Douglas Stone, Shiela Heen, et al): Thanks for the Feedback (on how to receive feedback), and Difficult Conversations (on how to give feedback). I imagine books about the topic tend to all provide similar frameworks, I happen to like these two because they're…
on “Don't soften feedback” ↗Where "grow" means "behave like the manager thinks is beneficial for the company". http://yosefk.com/blog/people-can-read-their-managers-mind.h... Probably better than "Thanks for the Feedback" by Sheila Heen.
on “Ask HN: Do we really need performance feedback?” ↗…title I tried the second one (as the plural authors made me question my results). Did you mean: "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most" by Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen, et al.? and: "Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well" by the same authors?
on “How to deliver constructive feedback in difficult situations (2019)” ↗