Crucial Conversations
by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler · first published 2001
89% recommend9% neutral2% critical
Why HN recommends it
A practical primer on high-stakes, emotionally charged talks at work and home, with tools like making dialogue safe and reading others' emotional motivations. Suits managers, founders, and engineers.
Summarised by Claude from recommending comments
The New York Times Bestseller!Learn how to keep your cool and get the results you want when emotions flare.When stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong, you have three choices: Avoid a crucial conversation and suffer the consequences; handle the conversation badly and suffer the consequences; or read Crucial Conversations and discover how to communicate best when it matters most. Crucial Conversations gives you the tools you need to step up to life's most difficult and important conversations, say what's on your mind, and achieve the positive resolutions you want. You'll learn
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…last year and a half, listing those that I enjoyed the most. Each of these books changed me in some ways, I never thought how much fun it is to listen to biographies and how many lessons there are. 0. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition 1. The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable 2. Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX, and the Quest for a Fantastic Future 3. Grit: The Power of…
on “Ask HN: Which non-programming books are a beneficial read for programmers?” ↗Staying calm and speaking during confrontations is a learnable skill. I humbly recommend reading the book Crucial Conversations, if you haven't read it, then practicing the techniques. I tell my "underlings" to breathe (with their diaphragm), to take their time, and to carry their voice. [1] http://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-S...
on “Simply Hired is shutting down June 26” ↗…reading, he did acknowledge the issue was contentious. In that respect, there are ways and techniques to have that conversation. What Damore did was not that way. He should have consulted a resource like Crucial Conversations (https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-...) first.
on “Ask a Female Engineer: Thoughts on the Google Memo” ↗“Crucial Conversations” Best book I’ve read during the pandemic and probably most useful in my current stint as an engineering manager. Also extremely applicable to personal relationships (marriage, kids, etc)
on “Ask HN: Books for Effective Communication” ↗…breathe in your own poop for several years for no real gain to your own mental health. If you are really sticking to it and mastering communication, psychology, politics and persuasion I recommend: Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss The Political Brain by Drew Weston Influence by Robert Cialdini Words That Work by Frank Luntz Pre-Suasion by Robert Cialdini Win Bigly…
on “Ask HN: How to find an effective career coach?” ↗…conversations. Too many wires get crossed and meaning is extracted where there was no intent. It would be nice if there were some guides on the page about how to have these conversations in person. 'Crucial Conversations' is a great starting place http://www.amazon.co.uk/Crucial-Conversations-Tools-Talking-...
on “Tell Your Boss Anything” ↗…have to have a lot of these tough conversations. I'd recommend reading the book "Critical conversations" that gives a great number of examples of how to deal with these situations. http://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-e... All the best man, hope things work out.
on “Ask HN: are these warning signs in a cofounder, or am I paranoid?” ↗…will stay together, or are happy couples (who would stay together anyway) just more likely to be kind? That said, the openness expressed in this article reminds me strongly of "making dialogue safe" in Crucial Conversations by Patterson et al. I highly recommend that book and recently wrote a glowing review of it (it's on my blog).
on “Masters of Love” ↗…Kahneman, Daniel (2011) Thinking, Fast and Slow Munger, Charles (1995) 'Psychology of Human Misjudgment', speech at Harvard, unpublished Packard, Vance (1957) Hidden Persuaders Patterson et al. (2012) Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, 2E Sun Tzu (ca. 400 BCE) Art of War INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY / STATISTICS Bowden, Mark (2011) Worm: First Digital World War Brooks, Frederick (1995) Mythical…
on “Ask HN: Are there any books that inspire or highly influence the way you work?” ↗…want to read. But the other course (from Yale?) - I would not recommend that as a starter. Communication Skills: https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-... https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-... https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Lif... Influence: https://www.amazon.com/Influence-Psychology-Persuasion-Rober... (His work is often cited in other books…
on “As a software engineer, what's the best skill to have for the next 5-10 years?” ↗I liked Crucial Conversations (https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-...) a lot.
on “Kindness is Underrated (2014)” ↗…sources mentioned in turn by all those.) Way too many really. Already I'm thinking of having a break from here for a while to actually read all those books (have read some..e.g. just the other day got Crucial Conversations thanks to a mention on here, started reading it with my housemate, it's going to transform our lives—at home and work, everywhere—for sure, and already has helped) and to concentrate solely on what I'm…
on “Ask HN: What has HN given you?” ↗…that Simon became notable 'simply because he was honest' but because he was rude; whether it was effective (at getting terrible singers to realize they're terrible) is another thing. [0] See the book Crucial Conversations, it's largely about how to be honest with people, in important situations people usually aren't, while being respectful and considerate.
on “The Dangerous Fetishization of ‘Hustle Porn’” ↗…what the word meant at the time - there's a lot on the history of those. Brilliantly written. Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics - the history, science and philosophy of comics. Plus it's a comic. Crucial Conversations - I added this to You Just Don't Understand on my 'Essential Guides for Anyone in a Relationship' list. Equally important for other areas of life. Deep Work on different ways people like/need to work.…
on “Ask HN: What is the best non-tech book you read this year?” ↗a) Crucial Conversations, Kerry Patterson b) Way of the Wolf, Jordan Belfort c) Never Split the difference, Chris Voss d) Radical Honesty, Brad Blanton e) Outthink the competition, Krippendorff
on “Ask HN: What is your 2019 book reading list?” ↗