Getting past no
by William Ury · first published 1991
100% recommend
Why HN recommends it
Practical guide to negotiating with difficult, hostile or stubborn counterparts. It focuses on separating people from the problem and understanding BATNA. Suits founders and engineers.
Summarised by Claude from recommending comments
We all want to get to yes, but what happens when the other person keeps saying no? How can you negotiate successfully with a stubborn boss, an irate customer, or a deceitful coworker?In Getting Past No, William Ury of Harvard Law School's Program on Negotiation offers a proven breakthrough strategy for turning adversaries into negotiating partners. You'll learn how to:- Stay in control under pressure- Defuse anger and hostility- Find out what the other side really wants- Counter dirty tricks- Use power to bring the other side back to the table- Reach agreements that satisfies both sides' needs
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I found the contents of "Getting Past Now" by William Ury helpful when negotiating with difficult people. http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-No-William-Ury/dp/0553371...
on “Ask HN: Confronting impossible people (In life and business)” ↗I have a masters degree in Negotiation & Conflict Resolution. There's two books that give you negotiation superpowers: 1. Getting to Yes 2. Getting Past No Those two books by themselves are enough to truly learn how to become an adept principled negotiator.
on “Ask HN: What books changed the way you think about almost everything?” ↗…to Yes. I think there are some key elements you left out: (1) the concept of emotional safety and the value of brainstorming (Crucial Conversations), (2) seeing the problem as separate from the people (Getting Past No / Getting to Yes), (3) Negotiating interests, not positions (Getting to Yes). Here are the links to the reading list (and I added Getting to Yes): https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-...…
on “How to resolve a conflict when both sides are right” ↗…(https://www.amazon.com/Negotiation-Genius-Obstacles-Brillian...) - Getting To Yes (https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Yes-Negotiating-Agreement-Wit...) - The Coursera course from the University of Michigan (and not the Yale one). - Getting Past No (https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Negotiating-Difficult-Si...) - Difficult Conversations/Crucial Conversations/Nonviolent Communications The last bullet (arguably the last two bullets) are about…
on “About Google's approach to research publication – Jeff Dean” ↗…Persuasion by Robert Cialdini, 2021 edition Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi, 2nd edition 2014 Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher and William Ury, 2011 edition Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations by William Ury Bargaining for Advantage by Richard Shell, 2nd edition 2006 Thinking Strategically by Avinash Dixit and Barry Nalebuff Nonviolent Communication:…
on “Ask HN: What are some must read books?” ↗…https://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-... Negotiation books: Bargaining For Advantage: https://www.amazon.com/Bargaining-Advantage-Negotiation-Stra... Getting To Yes: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Yes-Negotiating-Agreement-Wit... Getting Past No (billed as a negotiations book, but really more of a conversations book): https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Negotiating-Difficult-Si... I strongly recommend reading Influence before you read these…
on “Don't Get Your Coworker to Agree with You” ↗I'd like to see "Getting to Yes" or "Getting Past No" in addition. I think both of these books are great at helping founders understand that negotiations are not zero-sum games.
on “Books all founders should read” ↗…criticisms I see here about it are clearly from people who've never read the book. And some people are triggered by the use of the word "violent". Hard to help people who judge books by their title. Getting Past No is also a pretty good book. BTW, I do not want to come across as an effective communicator. I'm still far from it. However, I think reading all these books and occasionally reviewing my notes has made…
on “My experiment with clear and direct communication” ↗…is looking for additional books to read, I recommend: - Bargaining For Advantage (not very prescriptive, but this is the best one to make someone interested in negotiations and want to learn more). - Getting Past No. You probably should read Getting To Yes before reading it, though. GPN has some overlap with NSTD regarding the psychological side of negotiating. Getting To Yes is often recommended. It's decent. My…
on “How I negotiated a software-engineering job offer in Silicon Valley” ↗Check out the good book "Getting Past No" (the follow-up to "Getting to Yes") - this is called having your BATNA - Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement and will help your position even if you don't have to bring it up, just having it in…
on “Ask HN: How can I make an extra 30-50k a year?” ↗…addresses your question. It should be required reading for all software developers. http://www.williamury.com/books/the-power-of-a-positive-no/ Really, if everyone on Earth read those two books and his "Getting Past No", the world would be a much happier place.
on “Ask HN: Developers – How did you learn to say NO?” ↗…I therefore would suggest reading a book called Difficult Conversations[1], I can't recommend it enough. It's part of a series based off of research conducted at Harvard, of which Getting to Yes, and Getting Past No are two of the others, also highly recommended. [1] ISBN 9780143118442
on “Ask HN: How to deal with a co-founder who has wasteful spending habits” ↗…common grounds with whoever you're debating. If you read any books by professional negotiators - you'll notice that they conduct themselves very differently than you would in a debate. Getting to Yes and Getting Past No have been eye opening to me. I no longer feel like I even need to "win an argument". > the public can gain a lot because a debate forces you to be very on point I recall reading some articles stating,…
on “I want to lose every debate” ↗My go to books for negotiating: * Getting Past No * Getting To Yes
on “Salary Negotiations: What is Possible When There's no More Money” ↗…communication styles that work even if the other person doesn't practice it. I've read a few communications books, including NVC. The overlap amongst them is large. I would also recommend negotiation books like Getting Past No - they are essentially books on communication with difficult people applied in a negotiation context. All of them are about two things: 1. Making yourself a better communicator in expressing your perspective.…
on “Announcing the GNU Kind Communication Guidelines” ↗