Attached
by Amir Levine · first published 2010
100% recommend
Why HN recommends it
Accessible introduction to adult attachment styles (secure, anxious, avoidant) with practical strategies; readers say it gave them clear, eye-opening insight into their own relationships and how they respond to partners.
Summarised by Claude from recommending comments
Introduces the theory of adult attachment as an advanced relationship science that can enable individuals to find and sustain love, offering insight into the roles of genetics and early family life in how people approach relationships.
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…marry. People who marry before middle-age often have secure attachment styles. The dating pool from middle age on consists primarily of people with insecure attachment styles. Relationships with insecurely attached people are especially problematic. If you're not married, but want to be, look for widows or widowers with secure attachment styles, and work on developing secure attachment. https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-You...…
on “Peak non-creepy dating pool” ↗I really enjoyed Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love by Levine and Heller [0]. The description of the “types” (avoidant, secure, anxious) was very eye-opening, especially while…
on “Emotionally focused couple therapy can help love last” ↗I am almost through the book "Attached" by Amire Levine, on 'advise' from HN last week. It talks about the spectrum "fear/insecure - safe - avoiding" in relationships. It is very systematic in its approach and it opened my eyes to this way…
on “Ask HN: What has your work taught you that other people don't realize?” ↗…relationship styles and needs that come out of the ways that individuals express adult attachment. Personally, it made some things clear to me that I hadn't fully understood before. If you want a book thrn Attached by Levine and Heller is a useful book that concentrates on practical understanding and concepts. Recommended.
on “Ask HN: What can you do or learn to experience a better love life?” ↗…breakthrough; it explains everything about my behavior, relationships, and life choices. It also suggests a method for change and ongoing personal development. Here are some books on Attachment Theory: Attached https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-You... A General Theory of Love https://www.amazon.com/General-Theory-Love-Thomas-Lewis/dp/0... Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment…
on “Ask HN: What breakthrough helped you build and maintain better relationships?” ↗…a romantic relationship, some compromise will be necessary, but having secure, level-headed conversations about this with people is 100% the key. The empathy will flow both ways. I recommend reading "Attached" by Amir Levine for more insight on secure conversations with anxious or avoidant people. "I just really need (and enjoy) being alone or being able to enjoy my interests without others interacting with…
on “Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?” ↗I'll jump in and say "Attached" by Levine and Heller deeply influenced how I interact with people in my personal life, romantic and otherwise.
on “Ask HN: Books on specific topics that have applied to many areas of your life?” ↗Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment by Levine and Heller [0] - this was really useful for understanding relationships and how I and others respond to relationships, love, work, etc. was rather eye opening…
on “Life Changing Books on Sex and Relationships” ↗"Attached" by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. A very approachable work on the subject, exploring the four attachment types (but recognising that they are on a multi-dimensional spectrum), with real-world examples…
on “The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]” ↗…Essentially it boils down to this: a person with an insecure attachment style is poorly matched for a person with an avoidant attachment style. I highly recommend reading the following book on this matter: "Attached Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure How the science of adult attachment can help you find – and keep – love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller". I also recommend reading Gottman's book "The Seven Principles…
on “Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding” ↗Attached by Levine and Heller
on “Life Changing Books on Sex and Relationships” ↗Harville Hendrix - Getting The Love You Want Levine Heller - Attached
on “Life Changing Books on Sex and Relationships” ↗