The seven principles for making marriage work
by John Mordechai Gottman, Nan Silver · first published 1999
100% recommend
Why HN recommends it
Research-based guide drawing on decades of Gottman's studies on what makes couples last. It offers practical communication advice for strengthening a committed relationship.
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…move out, I was fairly well mystified about what was going on. We'd read lots of books about marriage and communication, planned for it to be tough, intended to see it through... so what happened? "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman was a book that I read after we'd separated that first started to make sense of the dynamics of my first marriage, and what caused it to spiral out of control. Unfortunately by that…
on “Ask HN: Do you recall any book or course that made a topic finally click?” ↗That is oversimplified. John Gottman has been doing research on this topic for decades: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Gottman He has 7 predictors. I highly recommend his book: "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work".
on “To Stay Married, Embrace Change” ↗…don't care if they are bad husbands, and usually convince themselves that they aren't the problem. Communication is the biggest most important thing in making a relationship work. Focus on that. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is a book by John Gottman that will help. Every adult on the planet is an ineffective adult. It sounds like you have a lot of high expectations of yourself. No one is perfect. No one has all of their…
on “Ask HN: Trauma has broken me. Nothing has worked. Alternatives to suicide?” ↗Recommendation you didn't ask for (just skip if not open to it). Seven principles for making marriage work[1] - has great advice for many sorts of committed romantic relationships. Also if he's criticizing you as you described he may want to consider talk therapy/CBT to come to an understanding of the nature…
on “Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?” ↗"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Gottman. It's not the best writing in the world yet it's based on 50 years of actual research. "Peopleware" by Tom DeMarco. It's a book every manager should read about how, maybe, you can create…
on “Ask HN: What nonfiction books do you keep rereading?” ↗…matter: "Attached Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure How the science of adult attachment can help you find – and keep – love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller". I also recommend reading Gottman's book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" (Gottman doesn't really utilize the attachment styles model but his model is effective for relationship issues nonetheless). Regarding how to talk to your partner about this, the optimal approach is…
on “Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding” ↗