Running on empty
by Jonice Webb · first published 2012
83% recommend17% neutral
Why HN recommends it
Introduces childhood emotional neglect, the absence of emotional attention and connection from parents, and helps readers recognize its patterns in themselves; suits adults seeking to understand their upbringing.
Summarised by Claude from recommending comments
"This book is not about what happened to you as a child; it's about what failed to happen for you as a child. It's an extremely subtle, almost invisible factor called emotional neglect, and it disrupts one's life in untold ways. Psychologist Jonice Webb, PhD shows how emotional neglect in childhood has an insidious effect on us as adults, causing us to struggle with self-discipline and self-care, or to feel unworthy, disconnected, and unfulfilled. People experience childhood emotional neglect to varying degrees--from a few subtle but important events to an entire childhood that's defined by it
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…finding meaning. This is a poor model. Viktor Frankl's man's search for meaning said that purpose is to live life as if every moment had purpose. At first I found that tautological and meaningless. Running on empty is a book that addresses this topic that I found very relevant and clarifying. It is a book about childhood emotional neglect. Effectively your parents probably didn't recognize your emotions and teach…
on “Ask HN: How do I find my “purpose”?” ↗Have you read the book "Running on Empty" by Jonice Webb? It describes a pattern she identifies as "childhood emotional neglect" (a possibly misleading label). The pattern she describes usually includes a combination of lack of attention, lack…
on “My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone” ↗I'd add Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb to that list as well.
on “Ask HN: I love to be alone. But this loneliness is killing me” ↗…more strategies and research done on top of it by other psychologists since then. [0] Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/01... [1] Running on Empty by Jonice Webb & Christine Musello https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emot...
on “Telling your inner critic to chill” ↗…http://www.pete-walker.com/shrinkingInnerCritic.htm and similar research on CPTSD 1 - Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHI... 2 - Running on Empty by Jonice Webb & Christine Musello https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emot... 3 - Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/01...…
on “Telling your inner critic to chill” ↗If your parents were narcissistic with you since you were little, you likely suffered from childhood emotional neglect. I am reading an excellent book on this topic called "Running on Empty: Overcome your Childhood Emotional Neglect " by Jonnice Webb. To determine if you might be suffering from it, an excerpt from the book: “Emotional Neglect Questionnaire Do You: 1. Sometimes feel like…
on “Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?” ↗…disconnected-ness and being different followed me wherever I went. I always felt different. I always felt like there was something wrong with me. I never understood why. After reading online about what a great book Running on Empty: Overcoming your childhood emotional neglect was, while also feeling like I was running on empty, I decided to read the book. It felt like a biography. It made so much make sense and helped me understand…
on “Transcending My Father's Abuse” ↗…neglect. It's basically the absence of emotional connection with your parents. As in you did not get your emotional needs met by your parents. There are a bunch of books on it now but the first was Running on Empty by Dr. Jonice Webb. She describes it well. Someone here on HN recommended it a few weeks ago and I read it. And low and behold I identify with it completely and it explains a lot of my life. And now…
on “Ask HN: How are you a good dad to your kids?” ↗…to me that it's only now in my 30s that I'm going through emotional development that I can look back on and see people I knew in high school who had already done this sort of growth. After having read Running on Empty I started asking people about the dynamics with their parents growing up, and it really solidified how uncaring my childhood was in many ways.
on “Ignoring Boys' Emotional Needs Fuels Public Health Risks” ↗…getting blasted. I'm not sober but I dialed it way back and abstain from everything for long periods of time. I found Gabor Mate's talks/interviews on addiction on Youtube helpful as well as the book Running on Empty by Dr. Jonice Webb.
on “Ask HN: Best way to recover from an opiate overdose” ↗…forum, but's it essentially a path that combines intellectual and technological projects). (For those in a similar situation, the best books I read were: "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents", "Running on Empty: Overcoming your Childhood Emotional Neglect", "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" and "Psychology of Self-esteem". I also recommend the post "What is a central purpose in life?" (plus comments)…
on “Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs” ↗>> What we do share is a feeling that’s common among those who have had traumatic experiences: neglect, shame and a sense of being unheard by those in power. They might want to read "Running on Empty" - the book notes that various forms of emotional neglect can have effects like trauma, but this is often overlooked by psychologist and therapists. I enjoyed the part in the article where the author…
on “When Buddhism Goes Bad – How My Mindfulness Practice Led Me to Meltdown” ↗…you are different? Have you felt that there is definitely something wrong with you your whole life? If those resonate with you, check out Childhood Emotional Neglect. There's a really good book called "Running on Empty: Overcoming your Childhood Emotional Neglect". If you're moving countries that means you probably don't have strong roots or connections with people, and if you're seeking chemical escape, then you probably…
on “Ask HN: Rest Doesn't Help with Burnout” ↗…revisit at some point. That said, last year, my big thing - outside of "utility" books, were books on running and bike racing. I read things like Running Through The Wall, Born To Run, Slaying The Badger, Running on Empty, Racing Through The Dark, Eat & Run, The Belgian Hammer, Run!, It's Not Just About The Bike and The Secret Race. Fascinating stuff, for anyone who is interested in either running or bicycle racing.
on “My Summer Reading List” ↗…emotional regulation That's a fun bit of ambiguity. Am I saying help a [person with emotional regulation] or help a [person] with [emotional regulation]? I meant help a person regulate their emotions. Running on empty talks about it. I can't say I am sold on her treatment protocol which involves work including writing reflections focused on bringing attention to emotions and being able to better describe them. But…
on “Instead of your Life's Purpose (2021)” ↗