Adult children of emotionally immature parents
by Lindsay C. Gibson, Marguerite Gavin, Gavin Marguerite · first published 2015
75% recommend19% neutral6% critical
Why HN recommends it
Helps readers recognize how an emotionally immature parent shaped them, and is often recommended as a starting point for understanding those patterns. Suits adults with distant, self-involved, or rejecting parents.
Summarised by Claude from recommending comments
If you grew up with an emotionally immature, unavailable, or selfish parent, you may have lingering feelings of anger, loneliness, betrayal, or abandonment. You may recall your childhood as a time when your emotional needs were not met, when your feelings were dismissed, or when you took on adult levels of responsibility in an effort to compensate for your parent’s behavior. These wounds can be healed, and you can move forward in your life. In this breakthrough book, clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. Y
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I'm sure there are children who unjustifiably cut off their parents, and the reverse. I can say that I read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and it rocked my world: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/adult-children-of-emotional... by thoroughly describing my upbringing. I've not cut off contact but I have containerized it and set strict boundary…
on “Down the Rabbit Hole: The world of estranged parents' forums (2015)” ↗…celebrate. Quick reminder that not all mothers are good people that we must keep in touch with. For people recovering from a rough childhood, here are a couple of resources that may be useful to you: 1. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Gibson. 2. https://old.reddit.com/r/AdultChildren+CPTSD+raisedbynarciss...
on “Remind HN: Today is Mother's Day, call your moms” ↗Consider reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay Gibson. The loneliness you feel may be rooted in your upbringing, and learning more about this can give you a deeper way to understand your feelings. Meanwhile, as others have said, spend…
on “Ask HN: I love to be alone. But this loneliness is killing me” ↗…"Complex PTSD: From surviving to Thriving" (Pete Walker) - "The Tao of Fully Feeling" (Pete Walker) - "Treating Adult Survivors of Emotional Abuse and Neglect" (Hopper/Grossman/Spinazzola/Zucker) - "Adult children of emotionally immature parents" (Gibson)
on “Childhood Adversity Linked to Earlier Puberty, Premature Brain Development” ↗Until you can separate yourself, learn to cope. Start with "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents". [0] https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-P...
on “How bullying may shape adolescent brains” ↗…That night was closest I had come to crossing the rubicon in many years. I still don't fully understand how a mother could talk their child this way in such a difficult moment, but such is life. Then Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents may offer some insight [1]. [1] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23129659-adult-children-...
on “The mystifying rise of child suicide” ↗…with a job and a family, this coping strategy is maladaptive, but is the "best" way you subconsciously feel you can deal with the feelings that continue to well up. Two books are How We Change [0] and Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents [1], although I'd recommend the former book much more to start with. Side note: if you're picking books to read, make sure to avoid books with a big photo of the author on the cover. That's almost a…
on “Ask HN: How do you work on your mental health?” ↗…first place. 1. The Self-Compassion Skills Workbook by Tim Desmond 2. Path of Compassion by Thich Nhat Hanh 3. The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read, Philippa Perry 4. Burnout by Emily Nagoski 5. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Lindsay C. Gibson 6. Self-Compassion, Dr. Kristin Neff 7. How to Keep House While Drowning, KC Davis 8. Deploy Empathy, Michele Hansen 9. The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel A. Van der Kolk 10. Atlas…
on “Ask HN: What books helped you in your entrepreneurship journey?” ↗There are many types of early relational trauma, but I strongly recommend the (audio)book: "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" by Lindsay Gibson, to anyone who thinks they might benefit from reading a book with that title. I get that's a weird judge-a-book-by-its-cover…
on “The Effects of Early Relational Trauma (2001) [pdf]” ↗…celebrates Father's Day. And for those who had a particularly difficult childhood, for those who may still struggle with the trauma of abuse and neglect, here are some resources you may find useful: * "Adult children of emotionally immature parents" by Lindsay Gibson. * https://old.reddit.com/r/AdultChildren+CPTSD+EstrangedAdultC... It takes time, but there are people and resources that can help you. You are not alone.
on “Tell HN: Happy Fathers Day to all the fathers, uncles, that role model” ↗…(I'd rather not go into details in a public forum, but's it essentially a path that combines intellectual and technological projects). (For those in a similar situation, the best books I read were: "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents", "Running on Empty: Overcoming your Childhood Emotional Neglect", "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" and "Psychology of Self-esteem". I also recommend the post "What is a central purpose in life?"…
on “Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs” ↗There's a good book called "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" which covers this well. Much of it can apply to any person, parent or not.
on “Narcissistic Collapse” ↗…with therapists that have expertise in CBT, DBT, and IFS. OP may also want to explore mindfulness/meditation, which has been a huge QoL improvement for me. Some resources I’ve found helpful: - Book: Adult children of emotionally immature parents - Book: How to meditate by Pema Chodron - Website on DBT: https://dbtselfhelp.com/ - Book: The Antidote: Happiness for people who can’t stand positive thinking - Meditation Apps: Waking Up, Headspace,…
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents I'm a person that struggles with boundary-setting and have spent numerous years in relationships that have left me as less-than I was before. Imagine people-pleasing to an absolute fault, and being more…
on “Ask HN: Any interesting books you have read lately?” ↗"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" (Saw it recommended here, was hoping it would help me get unfucked. It didn't.) "In the Ocean of Night" by Gregory Benford. Very nice XXth century style sci-fi. Written by an academic, so it describes…
on “Ask HN: What book(s) are you reading? Or have recently read?” ↗