For your own good
hidden cruelty in child-rearing and the roots of violence
by Alice Miller · first published 1983
83% recommend17% neutral
Why HN recommends it
Examines how harsh child-rearing and hidden cruelty pass from one generation to the next, and how abuse gets minimized and rationalized. For readers interested in the psychological roots of violence and authoritarianism.
Summarised by Claude from recommending comments
Miller proposed here that German traumatic childrearing produced heroin addict Christiane F., serial killer of children Jürgen Bartsch and dictator Adolf Hitler. Children learn to accept their parents' often abusive behaviour against themselves as being "for their own good." In the case of Hitler, it led to displacement against the Jews and other minority groups. For Miller, the traditional pedagogic process was manipulative, resulting in grown-up adults deferring excessively to authorities, even to tyrannical leaders or dictators, like Hitler. Miller even argued for abandoning the term "pedag
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If this post resonates with you, there are two books I highly recommend, both by the renowned psychologist Alice Miller [1]. The first is For Your Own Good (1981), in which she describes the "poisonous pedagogy" of emotional and physical abuse passed down from generation to generation, and how we minimize and turn a blind eye to it because we want to follow…
on “Transcending My Father's Abuse” ↗…to be ideologically consistent so long as it soothed that hurt that both Hitler and much of the German people felt. For anyone interested in the psychological explanations for the war, Alice Miller's "For Your Own Good" is any excellent exploration of that subject.
on “World War II Is Full of Plot Holes (2010)” ↗If this is a topic that fascinates you, I'd suggest you read Alice Miller's, "For Your Own Good."[1] This has always seemed to me to be the most plausible explanation for why Hitler and the German people acted in a way that seems so inexplicable. It's the only explanation I've seen that starts…
on “Understanding Hitler’s Anti-Semitism” ↗…'not-good' environment - that sort of thing. I found her to be very level-headed. [1] The Drama of Being a Child by Alice Miller (also know by the IMO bad title 'The Drama of the Gifted Child') [2] For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence by Alice Miller Edit: Also a good comic named 'On a Plate': https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/the-wireless/373065/the-pencilswo...
on “Why People Feel Like Victims” ↗i totally agree with this, and if you haven't read "For Your Own Good" and "The Drama of the Gifted Child" by Alice Miller you would likely enjoy them.
on “Ignoring Boys' Emotional Needs Fuels Public Health Risks” ↗…the numbers in the excel spreadsheet say. The psychology and objective journalism fields are great examples of dysfunctional academic systems. I like Alice Miller's hot take on her field in her book "For Your Own Good". I'm just going to straight up copy her text: Those who swear by statistical studies and gain their psychological knowledge from those sources will see my efforts to understand the children Christiane…
on “Social media addiction linked to cyberbullying” ↗…probably treated with corporal punishment, but still want to inflict onto their kids this which they were exposed to as a kid despite this no longer looking good/being legal. Even the anti-child-abuse book "For Your Own Good" by Alice Miller wrote "The former practice of physically maiming, exploiting, and abusing children seems to have been gradually replaced in modern times by a form of mental cruelty that is masked by…
on “The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis” ↗…trauma/neglect. Childhood trauma/neglect is very common in every part of the world. Self-hate leads to projection, especially surrounding things experienced in youth (e.g. sex drive, education levels). (For Your Own Good by Alice Miller talks about this in detail) I'm assuming this background doesn't prevent an adult from reaching Stage 5 and that a person with a drive for self improvement doesn't prevent them from projecting…
on “A bridge to meta-rationality vs. civilizational collapse” ↗I've plagarized Alice Miller here before, here are her thoughts on the subject of psychological surveys on the subject of childhood trauma in the book For Your Own Good: Those who swear by statistical studies and gain their psychological knowledge from those sources will see my efforts to understand the children Christiane and Adolf [Hitler] as unnecessary and irrelevant.…
on “Cognitive distortions predict safetyism-inspired beliefs in college students” ↗I've been reading Alice Miller's book "For Your Own Good" this last week. Big chunks of her book excerpt "Mein Kampf", which I previous hadn't read at all. I have very little problem reading Hitler's text through my own critical lens, without adopting the…
on “A new moralism is gripping the literary world” ↗…psychological theory to explain the actions of the people they're writing about. The example that stands out in my memory was Alice Miller's exploration of Hitler's possible psychological profile in "For Your Own Good." Just because she wasn't working from a complete medical profile doesn't devalue that exploration, it just means that the conclusions reached should be interpreted differently. Her diagnosis wasn't aimed…
on “Mental health is still an issue in the workplace” ↗