How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk
by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish · first published 1980
86% recommend14% neutral
Why HN recommends it
Practical communication techniques like acknowledging feelings, labeling emotions, and listening without lecturing. Useful for parents, and many say the methods also help with colleagues and managers.
Summarised by Claude from recommending comments
You can stop fighting with your children! Here is the bestselling book that will give you the know-how you need to be more effective with your children—and more supportive of yourself. Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, the down-to-earth, respectful approach of Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding. Now, in this thirtieth-anniversary edition, these award-winning experts share their latest insights and suggestions based on feedback they’ve received over the years. Their methods of co
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Then again, if one is more interested in practically applicable tips, the book How To Talk So Kids Will Listen... And Listen So Kids Will Talk is great too -- for all kinds of interpersonal relationships. It covers empathy (actually listening and confirming feelings) but is largely about how to enable extrinsic motivation, through encouraging…
on “Young children would rather explore than get rewards” ↗…You can honor her feelings of sadness at the separation and share your own feelings of being sad that you'll be apart - and then leave. Boundaries are love. Adele Faber wrote a phenomenal book called "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk." I think it is hands down the best book on compassionately communicating boundaries to children. With regards to finances: I'm reading this into it since you'd prefer to have your parents help rather…
on “Ask HN: What's the biggest problem you face as a parent?” ↗That book, How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk has been a staple in our (childless) household since we discovered it decades ago. The extent to which we recommend it to new couples and new parents is embarrassing. It's partially about empathy, but…
on “How to Talk to Human Beings” ↗"How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" - by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish This book has been life-changing with regards to my relationship with my 3-year-old. It also changed the way I communicate with adults. http://amzn.com/1451663889
on “Ask HN: What book changed your life in 2014?” ↗1. Career Tools and Manager Tools podcasts. Career advice, interviewing help, resume-building, team interactions, navigating office life/culture, salary negotiation, having your voice heard, and many other topics discussed in a friendly and approachable way. I listen every week. https://www.manager-tools.com/ 2. "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" isn't just for talking
on “Ask HN: What are your best “soft skill” resources?” ↗The Coding Horror blog has a great piece on how the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk helped him out with a lot more than just his kids. https://blog.codinghorror.com/how-to-talk-to-human-beings/
on “Taking Children Seriously” ↗Not a parent (yet), but there's a great book for dealing with kids (aged 2-99) by Faber & Mazlish titled, “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” that I would strongly recommend.
on “Ask HN: Any good collaboratively built documentation on good parenting?” ↗If you're interested in improving your social skills at work, you might also enjoy the book How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk. Um, seriously, all effective communication techniques are based on basically the same principles; there's a book by a former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss (Never Split the Difference) where he describes…
on “Autism severity can change substantially during early childhood, study suggests” ↗How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Stack Overflow co-founder Jeff Atwood recommends this book on his Coding Horror blog[0]. I don't have children, but his statement that a book on talking with children "improved [his] interactions with all human beings from age 2 to 99" intrigued me enough to get the book. I feel that out of any book I'
on “Ask HN: Books for Effective Communication” ↗People always look at me funny for recommending it but How To Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk can be a big help for dealing with adults too. The main difference between a child and a grown-up in terms of how you talk to them is that the grown-up has a larger vocabulary, so you need to resort to…
on “Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?” ↗I took some tips from a book titled How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk - they suggest to try to help kids label their emotions, and then reaffirm those emotions are valid (even if they can't get what they want). They have various kid-friendly techniques for this in the book,…
on “Ask HN: What's the biggest problem you face as a parent?” ↗You might enjoy the book How to Talk so Kids Will Listen ... And Listen so Kids Will Talk, https://amzn.com/0743525086 It’s full of useful practical advice about taking feelings seriously and avoiding escalating confrontations.
on “Slow Thought: a manifesto” ↗"How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk". Check this review of sorts by Jeff Atwood: https://blog.codinghorror.com/how-to-talk-to-human-beings/
on “Ask HN: As a technical founder what is the best business book you've read?” ↗“You’re not listening” often means something like “I am feeling some strong emotion (anger, frustration, sadness, ...) but you are not validating my feelings, and that lack of validation itself feels like rejection.” Even something as simple as echoing back someone’s statements, or saying “it seems like you are feeling angry because ...” can make a large difference. Once you have shown that you
on “The Church of Interruption” ↗Book recommendations: * Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy * How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (The How To Talk Series) by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish Good luck!
on “Ask HN: Best Resources and Books for a Soon-to-Be-Dad?” ↗