The Art of Loving
An Inquiry into the Nature of Love
by Erich Fromm · first published 1956
73% recommend23% neutral4% critical
Why HN recommends it
Short, practical treatment of love as a learned skill that takes active practice, not just a feeling to wait for. Suits readers wanting grounding in human psychology and a deeper 'why' behind relationships.
Summarised by Claude from recommending comments
"The Art of Loving" (1956) is a seminal work by psychoanalyst and social philosopher Erich Fromm. In this book, Fromm explores the concept of love in a profound and comprehensive manner, arguing that love is not just a passive feeling but an art that requires practice, knowledge, and effort. Through a detailed analysis, Fromm demystifies the idea that love is something that simply happens, proposing that it must be cultivated like any other skill. He divides love into different categories, including brotherly love, motherly love, erotic love, self-love, and love of God, discussing the chara
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The classic explanation is from E. Fromm, The Art of Loving with, to paraphrase, "For humans the fundamental problem of life is getting a feeling of security in the face of the anxiety from our realization that alone we are vulnerable to the hostile forces of…
on “Study: People Want Power Because They Want Autonomy” ↗…philosophy/psychology, or cultural anthropology, is mind-bending to me. Erich Fromm's The Sane Society - on how society impacts people's mental health, and how to build towards a sane society Fromm's The Art Of Loving - an analysis of different kinds of loves, trying to dispel pop culture's lies about love, and love is actually hard work Ernest Becker's The Denial of Death - on how not our fear, but our complete denial…
on “Ask HN: Mind bending books to read and never be the same as before?” ↗…you need to know about emotions quite generally and also anxieties, obsessions, libido, duplicity, manipulations, deceptions, etc. The best single source I found on human psychology is E. Fromm, The Art of Loving, but alone it is not enough. Learn about organizational behavior. Learn about management and, in particular, borrow some points from the US military. Know how politics works, and, when you need to,…
on “Career advice I wish I’d been given when I was young” ↗…more in drama, understand how movie and TV dramas work. Somewhere get some basic coverage of 'people and personality', especially about human emotions. E.g., lacking anything else, read E. Fromm, 'The Art of Loving'. For more, have the child take some community college courses, e.g., biochemistry and biology. For more, look at the International Baccalaureate program and pick and choose from that or, maybe, just…
on “The Latest Crime Wave: Sending Your Child to a Better School” ↗This is very well discussed in Erich Fromm's book "The art of loving". He proposed that in today's society we put too much value on the object of love, and too little in learning how to love. Thus we look intensely for the best possible partner and we may have second thoughts…
on “How To Marry The Right Girl: A Mathematical Solution” ↗The Art of Loving, while feeling a bit dated in some parts (especially Fromm's views on homosexuality), is on the whole a fantastic, short little book that I reread every few years or so. I always liked his definition…
on “Applying an experimental procedure to fall in love” ↗Things nobody tells you about relationship dynamics when you are young. Whats a head of you emontionaly? I recommend these to my son. Erich Fromm The Art of Loving David schnarch Passionate Marriage: Sex, Love & Intimacy in emotionally committed relationships. And before you get married... Get some new perspective why ... Wolfgang gädecke, Sexuality, Partnership…
on “Ask HN: What is one book you would recommend everyone to read?” ↗…people successful in business, e.g., Andy Grove at Intel, should have some value and not be just efforts at polishing their public images. For people, the best single book I found was E. Fromm, The Art of Loving. So, he explains a lot about what motivates people. E.g., he has (rough quote from memory): "The fundamental problem in life is getting security in the face of the anxiety from our realization that…
on “Why you shouldn't bother with an MBA” ↗…common claim was that English literature had a lot of good knowledge of people and would help readers understand people. I concluded, and still do, that maybe a little. Once I discovered the E. Fromm, The Art of Loving, awash in real practical expertise, well considered and formulated, about people, I concluded that Fromm was a good example of progress on information for understanding people. For more on love specifically,…
on “The Two Cultures” ↗…school and careers often to the exclusion of dating, sex, etc. But for a good life, family formation remains central. For some good explanations of just why and that haven't changed, see E. Fromm, The Art of Loving, heavily about psychological aspects. Fromm's key point: Being alone is no way to have a good life. Instead, don't want to be alone and want caring, bonding, as in the example in the OP about her bringing…
on “Five Years That Changed Dating” ↗…just 6 days. Making a major change to your personality takes some time. I suggest re-reading the book every once in a while to keep the goal fresh in your thoughts. Also I recommend Erich Fromm's "The Art of Loving" which briefly discusses Carnegie's book and gives more of a "why" than a "how" on dealing with people.
on “Ask HN: Do you criticize?” ↗For those interested, I recommend a book that has similar ideas and completely changed my view of love: The Art of Loving, by Erich Fromm
on “Romantic Love: The problem with Western cultures” ↗…reactions you get. Rinse. Repeat. Many times. For writing for the humanities, mostly just learn about humans. For this purpose, my favorite Humans 101 for Dummies is the now classic E. Fromm, The Art of Loving. Then for Beowulf and Chaucer through Milton, Shakespeare, Wordsworth, Byron, Shelley, Keats, Dickens, and Henry James to the present and for the rest of this millennium in English literature, and its…
on “Ask HN: How do I teach myself better writing skills?” ↗Thanks doubly for the detailed response. I very much enjoyed Fromm's Escape from Freedom when I read it a few years ago, I will definitely buy the Art of Loving.
on “Why you shouldn't bother with an MBA” ↗Old research on loneliness: E. Fromm, The Art of Loving. To paraphrase: (1) For humans the fundamental problem in life is doing something effective about feeling alone. (2) The first recommended solution is a good romantic relationship. (3) In such a relationship,…
on “New Research on Overcoming Loneliness” ↗