What do you say after you say hello?
by Eric Berne · first published 1972
75% recommend25% neutral
Why HN recommends it
Explains transactional analysis and life scripts, showing how childhood patterns play out in adult relationships. Readers find it accessible to non-specialists and useful for self-understanding, especially in psychology.
Summarised by Claude from recommending comments
What Do You Say After You Say Hello? explains what makes the winners win, the losers lose, and the in-betweens so boring... In it, Dr Eric Berne reveals how everyone's life follows a predetermined script - a script they compose for themselves during early childhood. The script may be a sad one, it may be a successful one; it decides how a person will relate to his colleagues, what sort of person he will marry, how many children he will have, and even what sort of bed he will die in... What Do You Say After You Say Hello? demonstrates how each life script gets written, how it works and, more im
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Another great book, for me, was 'What do you say after you say hello' by Eric Berne. Flow is also good, though.
on “Flow” ↗"What do you say after you say hello?" Transactional analysis is lifechanging. It's weird to me that this book isn't more popular.
on “Ask HN: What book changed your life in 2014?” ↗Eric Berne, What do you say after you say hello, The psychology of human destiny, Grove Press (1972) I read this book in the early 90's and it changed my life. It was the catalyst to make changes to my life to become a psychotherapist. Contains…
on “Ask HN: Reading which books have brought the biggest changes in you and how?” ↗If you will enjoy the book, I would recommend reading also the sequel "What Do You Say After You Say Hello?". It is much less famous, probably because it was published posthumously, but I liked it even more. It needs to be read later, though, because it heavily references the "Games People Play".
on “Perverse Downstream Consequences of Debunking” ↗…and shows how it builds up into lifestyle 'games' such as alcoholism, dysfunctional relationships, etc. Might be useful for online discussion forums. Just sayin. I'd also recommend another book of his "What Do You Say After You Say Hello?" which covers the kinds of scripts that appear to govern a lot of what we think we want out of life. Regardless of whether you buy into the theories, they're fascinating to read about.
on “Transactional analysis” ↗Berne was a really innovative and perceptive thinker, who made an effort to keep his writing accessible to non-specialists. Both Games People Play and What Do You Say After You Say Hello, where the idea of life scripts is explained.
on “Feeling like a victim is a perfectly disastrous way to go through life” ↗…Alan Macdonald Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (read this one thrice) The Tao of Pooh Science, Strategy and War: The Strategic Theory of John Boyd The Drama of the Gifted Child Interaction Ritual What Do You Say After You Say Hello? Of niche use: Mathematics: its Content, Methods and Meaning - mostly useful for figuring out what math you don't know. I recommend reading it at a fairly decent pace, and noting what subjects don't…
on “Ask HN: Books you read in 2015?” ↗Currently reading: Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away by Annie Duke. Before that: - Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb - On Settling by Robert E. Goodin - What do you say after you say hello?: The psychology of human destiny by Eric Berne
on “Ask HN: What books are you reading?” ↗