Boundaries
when to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life
by Henry Cloud, John Sims Townsend, Henry O. Arnold · first published 1992
7mentions
6recommended by
7HN commenters
2010–2023first – last mentioned
86% recommend14% neutral
Why HN recommends it
Practical guide to setting healthy limits with family and others, separating what you are responsible for from what is not yours; useful for people in strained relationships, including those who have trouble saying no.
Summarised by Claude from recommending comments
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Whoah. You need to create some serious boundaries with your in-laws. Read this: https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/...
on “Ask HN: What personal finance advice would you give your 25yo self ?” ↗The advice I've been given is forgiveness + boundaries. This book is usually recommended [1], but you can discover your own style of setting boundaries by working with a therapist. (it will need to be tailored to your situation) [1] https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Updated-Expanded-When-Cont...
on “Why forgiving someone else is about you” ↗Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. This book helped me with empathy, boundaries, and self-criticism. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud helped me to step back from taking responsibilities for people & things that are not mine. It also helped me to face choices I’ve made. Note: this book…
on “Ask HN: What book changed your life in 2020?” ↗…Science of Adult Attachment by Levine and Heller [0] - this was really useful for understanding relationships and how I and others respond to relationships, love, work, etc. was rather eye opening to me. Boundaries by Henry Cloud [1] - this seems like a basic concept and I thought I knew about this but this book helped. I expect there are others so reading one or two good ones will probably do, but this is the one…
on “Life Changing Books on Sex and Relationships” ↗…which makes it difficult to pass on a healthy sense of identity to us. Where there's a lack of identify (or unhealthy identity, these are essentially the same things with different terminology), poor boundaries are set in place. I highly recommend the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend <http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dap.... Your hesitancy to return to school may be…
on “Depressed and need advice” ↗I always found the "Boundaries" (Henry Cloud) distinction here very useful. It's OK to "hurt" someone - that is, if you are communicating the truth, your boundaries, your needs, you may hurt someone. It's not OK to "harm" someone…
on “Are you a baby? A litmus test” ↗Force of habit from my Twitter addiction. No, it's not an Amazon affiliate link :) I suppose the original wasn't all that long I could have used it instead http://www.amazon.ca/Boundaries-Pb-Cloud/dp/0310247454
on “Why Parents Hate Parenting” ↗