Why Love Hurts
by Eva Illouz · first published 2012
15mentions
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2HN commenters
2021–2026first – last mentioned
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…directions. I have been reading the references, reading the references of those references, and going off in other adventures in reading including recent feminist scholarship such as https://www.amazon.com/Why-Love-Hurts-Sociological-Explanati... I think that love is the most popular topic for storytelling and this project has vastly improved my ability to confabulate on the subject.
on “Ask HN: How to Get Better at Storytelling?” ↗See what it is like from a women's perspective https://www.amazon.com/Why-Love-Hurts-Sociological-Explanati... PG's talk about it reminds me of Rush Limbaugh talking about Net Neutrality. I disagreed with Rush about most things but most of the time I thought Rush had some understanding…
on “PG: SV cooled on Democrats due to Wokeness and Warren appointees” ↗…experienced it both as 1) really fun and 2) terrible psychological torment. Lately dating videos on TikTok, Rethinking Sex by Christine Emba, this post by Oliver Traldi, The Agony of Eros by Byung-Chul Han, and Why Love Hurts by Eva Illouz have made me think about why people seem to find the modern dating market so unsatisfying. If dating is both "terrible psychological torment" and "so unsatisfying", which describes a situation…
on “The Agony of Eros: Dating” ↗…might be diminished in 20 years. if you don't you are going to be asking the exact same hand-wringing questions you are right now.) Feminist author Eva Illouz https://www.themarginalian.org/2016/03/22/why-love-hurts-eva... describes the difficulty that women find in finding meaningful and committed relationships. The fact that many young men are lost is a major input to that. As an student on love, relationships,…
on “That’s How It Works When You’re a Woman on the Internet” ↗…last six months, I have been reading a lot on love and relationships, I can eat up books like https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1088620.Cold_Intimacies https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13763042-why-love-hurts https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Les_Liaisons_dangereuses like candy but I found both of these books hit my emotionally hard and I had to slow down my reading https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/a/morton-hunt/the... https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/41014757-what-do-women-w...
on “Against 3X Speed” ↗This book talks about how having too many choices (or the perception of too many choices) mean you don't make good decisions https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13763042-why-love-hurts
on “Ask HN: What is wrong with dating in 2022?” ↗…they find they can't get men to commit to them because the men that they choose on Tinder don't have any reason to commit to them, a situation written up in https://www.themarginalian.org/2016/03/22/why-love-hurts-eva... (I would love to get Eva Illouz in a conversation with a blackpiller like Wheat Waffles as the situations they describe look like two sides of the same coin to me.) In general people make policy…
on “Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?” ↗The conventional analysis is that this is the worst possible way to look for love. (1) Eva Illouz in https://www.amazon.com/Why-Love-Hurts-Sociological-Explanati... and many other modern authors will say that the longer of a list of lovers you have to choose from the less likely you will choose any of them. Whether you are evaluating a…
on ““Date Me” Docs” ↗Woman, as they get older, find that “good” men are hard to find, see https://www.amazon.com/Why-Love-Hurts-Sociological-Explanati... the problem has a nearly straight line relationship with many men feeling shut out of dating at an earlier age, and if more men withdraw into fantasy women will only suffer…
on “Experts Say AI Girlfriend Apps Are Training Men to Be Even Worse” ↗…see https://medium.com/@gettingfrankpodcast/kings-of-the-hill-ho... and the problem that women often aren't attracted to men who will commit to them until it is too late, see https://www.amazon.com/Why-Love-Hurts-Sociological-Explanati...
on “Duolicious – Open-source dating app” ↗…just meet boomers) Feminist scholar Eva Illouz points out that many women chase men they find "easy to love" who have no interest in committing to them because they don't have to https://www.amazon.com/Why-Love-Hurts-Sociological-Explanati... meantime a lot of guys who have challenges get bitter and sucked into toxic social movements.
on “X Is Ditching DMs as News of Musk Messaging Women About Impregnating Them Breaks” ↗…intense feelings for one or more of them (the point is not mono vs poly but rather Aella is far beyond poly) [3] https://www.amazon.com/Love-Time-Algorithms-Technology-Meeti... [4] https://www.amazon.com/Why-Love-Hurts-Sociological-Explanati...
on “The Internet's Favorite Sex Researcher” ↗Some of it is economics but some of it is the structure of relationship choice. Feminist scholar Eva Illouz in Why Love Hurts talks about the reasons why women find it hard to get into committed relationships where they feel safe having children: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Love-Hurts-Sociological-Explanati... Not least the…
on “America’s incarceration rate is in decline” ↗…for at least a while, believe that that person is absolutely singular and unlike everybody else as Stendhal writes in the classic On Love a.k.a. “Love the one you’re with” See https://www.amazon.com/Why-Love-Hurts-Sociological-Explanati... If I was really going to “do something about it” I’d try to put couples through a structured experience, see https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jan/14/love-is...
on “US report details extent of 'devastating' dating-app scams” ↗There are also issues that are traditionally considered "out of scope" for the government such as exploitative dating apps. Also social phenomena as talked about https://books.google.com/books/about/Why_Love_Hurts.html https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incel and such
on “Why is Latin America's birth rate declining?” ↗