When Things Fall Apart
Heart Advice for Difficult Times
by Pema Chödrön · first published 1997
15mentions
6recommended by
7HN commenters
2010–2026first – last mentioned
86% recommend14% neutral
Why HN recommends it
A warm, accessible Buddhist-informed guide to staying present with pain, fear and emotional upheaval, offering a starting point for anyone navigating a hard period.
Summarised by Claude from recommending comments
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…that takes place largely on the Hudson River above New York "Narcissus and Goldmund" by Hesse; fiction; a fun yet literary adventure novel about the importance and fun of living life with integrity "When Things Fall Apart" by Chödron; non-fiction; Chödron proposes that leaning into suffering, experiencing it as directly and fully as possibly and without resistance paradoxically leads to profound relief from suffering "Enlightenment…
on “Ask HN: Best books you read in the past decade?” ↗…this stuff -- they don't understand, or they're in it just like you, and can't help you OUT of it. But what really changed my life was two books, and a third I read recently that might help you too. 1. When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. It's nontheistic buddhism, for crises. Get the audio book. It's the next best thing to having a loving parent. Listen with your heart, and do the meditations (including the lo jong -…
on “America: Land of Loners?” ↗…NB: If you recognize yourself in the descriptions of grandiosity (and its side effects) above, know that I'm not a doctor. But my best recommendation is the audiobook (specifically the AUDIO book) of When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. It's a life-saving, life-affirming dose of reality.
on “Should we talk about the fact that founder Jody Sherman didn't just die?” ↗…life in every way possible for the better. Stick with it. It's tough sometimes, but it'll only get better! EDIT: I recommend starting with "Wherever You Go, There You Are" -- then following up with "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron, be sure to get the audiobook AND the paperback. Really listen to it/read it. Then any book that teaches you to be responsible for yourself, you can pick from a million, straight up from…
on “Forgiving: What, Why, How (A Practical and Theoretical Approach)” ↗…your family, too. Choosing to do what you consider to be the right thing can feel wonderful. But not if you're only doing it because you don't want to feel guilty. So, that, and pick up a copy of of When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. If possible, the audio book. Listen to it and do what it says. I promise you, it'll help.
on “Ask HN: What is (is there something) wrong with me?” ↗…http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A43006-2005Jan... My favorite intros to secular meditation (that is, non-religious Buddhism): http://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-There-Are-ROUGH/dp/140130... http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Difficult/dp/B0... http://www.amazon.com/Being-Nobody-Going-Nowhere-Meditations... Doing what I learned in from three, plus the Destructive Emotions audio book, absolutely transformed my life. Like…
on “Ask HN: Do you meditate? How/Why? ” ↗…smart for my own good. But there was something that totally changed my life. If you'd like to feel something other than rage or emptiness, please get the audiobook (this is important - the audiobook) of When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. It's not touchy-feely, feel good bromides… in fact, it's the opposite. It's about radical understanding of how crappy the world really is, and learning to work with that. Pema delivers…
on “Aaron Swartz commits suicide” ↗Get the audiobook -- AUDIO BOOK -- of When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. It totally saved my regretful ass. The thing about regret is your natural reaction is to run away from it, but that only makes it worse. And it makes you feel like a coward. So whenever…
on “Ask HN: How do you stop regretting?” ↗…going on. You can become an observer in your own head instead of being caught up by discoursive thoughts… see them as weather. My #1 go-to recommendation is the AUDIO book (not the written version) of When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. Don't worry if you're not going through what sounds like a crisis… the audiobook is accessible for even minor issues, like "being a human." http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Difficult/dp/15...
on “Ask HN: How Do You Stop Your Mind From Racing” ↗…cathartic. Along with all the suggestions to see a qualified therapist, I would recommend reading some of Pema Chodron's books. There's one in particular that may be relevant for your situation called 'When things fall apart' I won't wish you good luck, because luck will not make things better for you. This will take some time and a little effort to work through. You have already taken the first step by reaching out. What…
on “Ask HN: How do I get my life back in order?” ↗…bringing loving kindness to a meditation practice [1] - and the book: Unwinding Anxiety by Dr. Judson Brewer. - and basically everything Pema Chodron has ever written. But possibly staring with: When Things Fall Apart. - Even if what worked for me doesn’t work for you. I believe in you and I think you can find your own path to being at peace with your inner emotional landscape. [1]: https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPxfnU-O-Zydjfcneck9XIy...
on “Ask HN: Trauma has broken me. Nothing has worked. Alternatives to suicide?” ↗"When things fall apart" - Pema Chodron
on “Ask HN: What books have you found understandable during serious depression?” ↗…sections on how humans all suffer from past emotional memories (kleshnas) really interesting. As was the discussion on rage and forgiving people cruel to oneself. I followed it up with another of her books "when things fall apart". Again very good. I'm now reading a Witcher fantasy novel. Blood of elves.
on “Ask HN: What are you reading these days?” ↗…about little children who were so hurt that they shut off all emotion - "little stone children" - and that was me, until the crisis that broke me open so badly that I was able to listen to the message in When Things Fall Apart. As for the guilt… I had tremendous amounts of guilt. My mother used to beat me, and when I got big enough, I started to hit back. She became really mentally ill as I grew up, because she always chose…
on “America: Land of Loners?” ↗…year. It's been fun discussing it with people. This translation has been a easy read, far easier than I expected. And the discussions make it thought-provoking. For meaty, this might work. Also reading 'When Things Fall Apart' by Pema Chodron. This is slow going, thoughtful. I read a few pages every few days, never more than a chapter at a time. I suppose it's all variants of being fully in the present moment to some extent.…
on “Ask HN: What are you reading?” ↗