What makes love last?
by John Mordechai Gottman · first published 2012
100% recommend
"One of the foremost relationship experts at work today applies the insights of science toward understanding the real meaning of trust between a couple. He decodes the "why" behind betrayal and shows how partners can avoid or recover from unfaithfulness and maintain a loving relationship.Dr. John Gottman, the country's pre-eminent researcher on marriage, is famous for his Love Lab at the University of Washington in Seattle where he deciphers the mysteries of human relationships through scientific research. His thirty-five years of exploration have earned him numerous major awards, including fr
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…one might say depending on the circumstances? (Along with the many other great things people have posted in response to this article.) You might find of interest books by John Gottman on marriage like "What Makes Love Last?" in trying to improve things -- or at least understand them better to accept or reject them. A key point Gottman makes (and which the article echoes) is that contempt (e.g. "belittling") is a bad sign…
on “Beware of Being “Right”” ↗…help. As is the idea of making doing the healthier things easier. Since the issue (including nagging) may affect your relationship eventually, consider pre-emptively reading a John Gottman book like "What Makes Love Last". Maybe also check out this HN discussion and story on "Beware of Being "Right"" to avoid crossing over from being supportive to being controlling: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23802241 Also,…
on “Let’s avoid talk of ‘chemical imbalance’: it’s people in distress” ↗…concepts I've been working on for a long time. How what happened to you affects what you're doing now. It also has advice about how to "fix" some of it with small, controllable doses of discomfort. "What Makes Love Last" By John Gottman https://www.amazon.com/What-Makes-Love-Last-audiobook/dp/B00...: The underlying premise of this book is that love, friendship etc., are based on trust. It relates some of it to game theory…
on “America’s Obsession with Self-Help” ↗What Makes Love Last is really a good one too. Helped me to really understand that love is about trust and what that meant. John Gottman is a treasure.
on “Ask HN: Do you recall any book or course that made a topic finally click?” ↗