The gentle art of verbal self-defense
by Suzette Haden Elgin · first published 1980
4mentions
2recommended by
3HN commenters
2017–2023first – last mentioned
67% recommend33% neutral
Learn how to detect the subtle "put-downs," insults and other verbal blows that almost everyone uses--parents and children, husbands and wives. teachers and students, and friends and lovers. Most of us are under verbal attack every day and often don't even realize it. In this book you'll learn the skills you need to respond to all types of verbal attack. Specific strategies for your defense include: twelve rules of clear, effective interaction; recognition of five verbal modes--the Placator, Blamer, Distractor, Computer, and Leveler; tone of voice--make yours bolder and more assertive; alterna
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…series of leading questions like a trial lawyer would that takes them down the path of realizing it's wrong (or at least takes everyone else listening down that path). Second, check out the book The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense [1]. It may help. Third, are you a woman perchance? This is an especially common problem for women. If so, find a company with a better culture. They're out there, and not worth your energy to try…
on “Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?” ↗The correct answer is Since when have you thought that I didn't love you? Read The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense for why.
on “Is math real?” ↗…less likely to fall victim to it. Some resources: [0]:https://www.darkpatterns.org/ [1]:https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/49176 (Games People Play) [2]:https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/133203 (Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense) [3]:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manufacturing_Consent [4]:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_manipulation [5]:https://fs.blog/great-talks/psychology-human-misjudgment/ [6]:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thinking,_Fast_and_Slow
on “Under the skin of OnlyFans” ↗…engineering terms: to decompose a skill into micro-skills). NLP is where I also learned how to construct (and deconstruct) visualization exercises. Other methods along these lines are Suzuette Haden Elgin's "Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense", which has a lot of patterns and anti-patterns on use of words. I have read through Jay Heinrich's "Thank You For Arguing", which is the book I credited for making the distinction between being right…
on “There is little research into the long-term effects of using antidepressants” ↗