The Ethical Slut
A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures
by Dossie Easton, Janet Hardy · first published 1997
33% recommend56% neutral11% critical
The guide of choice for people curious to move beyond conventional monogamy, and for anyone interested in learning better skills for love, sex, and intimacy, The Ethical Slut will open you up to the adventure and freedom that comes from redefining the way you relate to the adventure and freedom that comes from redefining the way you relate to friends and lovers. Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton offer the techniques, skills, and ideals they have developed for practicing successful and ethical polyamory through open communication, emotional honest, and managing jealousy. This updated and exp
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…available, and significantly better and more fundamental than anything else I found written on the topic. - Models: Attract Women through Honesty + The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson - The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy + More than Two by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert + Opening Up by Tristan Taormino
on “Ask HN: What books changed the way you think about almost everything?” ↗There are pockets of it still floating around and continuing in development... the ENM/polyamory communities provide a good framework for going about it in a manageable way. "The Ethical Slut" by Easton and Hardy is a very good book. I wish more people would be willing to challenge this part of themselves. It really opens up entirely new possibilities for sex and love. Plus, the emotional…
on “Gen Z wants less sex in TV and movies” ↗This is operating on the assumption that sex requires caring about other people at a high capacity. I'd suggest a read of The Ethical Slut if you're actually interested in a world where sex and romantic intimacy aren't the same thing.
on “The stable marriage problem and modern dating” ↗Self-help books and the like can be comfort objects. When I was new to poly, though I had a PDF of The Ethical Slut, I remember wanting a physical copy to keep in my backpack and thumb through when I felt worried/jealous/uncertain.
on “How Piracy Made 'Go the Fuck to Sleep' a No. 1 Amazon Best-Seller” ↗I strongly disagree about “The Ethical Slut.” The book endorses abuse and lack of compassion towards partners that are afraid, uninterested, or jealous about the idea of open relationships. It encourages people to basically do what they personally…
on “Meta's new AI dating coach will kink shame you (unless you're into foot stuff)” ↗…like physical books. But I bet most people, in the future, would rather have it stored and available digitally at all times. Especially if they're worried about people seeing "How to be a Man" or "The Ethical Slut" on their bookshelves.
on “How Piracy Made 'Go the Fuck to Sleep' a No. 1 Amazon Best-Seller” ↗I have not read The Ethical Slut so without commenting on the specifics, but agreed. I was in a long term, very open (kinky, BDSM) relationship with someone, but on the topic of opening things up, there was some guilt applied. "Perhaps…
on “Meta's new AI dating coach will kink shame you (unless you're into foot stuff)” ↗…polyamory, and I felt the authors were almost universally sociopaths- and I could tell they were deeply harming other people in their own stories, and didn't even realize or care. For example, the book "The Ethical Slut" the author literally describes raping people, and is completely oblivious, and thinks they are "helping open them to new experiences."
on “Polyamory doesn't liberate; monogamy doesn't protect” ↗> For example, the book "The Ethical Slut" the author literally describes raping people Wow, I don't remember that. I'll have to re-read it. > I also feel it inevitably hurts people when you are more excited about a new partner than them It…
on “Polyamory doesn't liberate; monogamy doesn't protect” ↗…decade I have had the guidance of a supportive therapist who has studied non-monogamy professionally and works with multiple non-monogamous clients. Some notable books on polyamory I have read are "The Ethical Slut", "More Than Two", and "Polysecure". I have practiced non-monogamy for 9 years, and along the way I dated a lot of people who were only doing it because they wanted to date me, and I was non-monogamous.…
on “I got tired of hearing that YC fired Sam, so here's what actually happened” ↗