Positive discipline
by Jane Nelsen · first published 1987
10mentions
5recommended by
7HN commenters
2015–2024first – last mentioned
71% recommend29% neutral
Why HN recommends it
A practical, respectful alternative to punitive discipline, offering a useful reference for parents of young children who want a gentler approach.
Summarised by Claude from recommending comments
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…funny is often tough when you're angry, frustrated or just tired. So I agreed that piece-by-piece reading and re-reading help. These tips aren't easy to stick. As a companion, some parenting books like Positive Discipline [1] might be worth a quick glance. These parenting books have certain similarities with "How to Talk" and some other books in this thread, like "Crucial Conversation". It's eye-opening. (And I realized…
on “Ask HN: Books for Effective Communication” ↗My daughter is 3.5 years old. Great that you asked. Please don’t do that. I can recommend this book series and in particular “Positive Discipline: The First Three Years” https://www.amazon.com/dp/0804141185/ For anyone reading this, don’t get caught up by the “discipline” in the book title. The authors are against punishment.
on “Toddlers are harsh judges of moral character” ↗Read Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen. It's a classic and it's lessons are key.
on “Ask HN: Advice for a new father?” ↗The book 'Positive Discipline' by Jane Nelsen was also instrumental to our approach.
on “Ask HN: What were the top things you did or purchased for your baby/toddler?” ↗…this discussion. It has no place here, children are more important than that. If you want to have a scientific approach, pick up some psychology books. I think the best book from raising children is Positive Discipline, Outside of that, the best way to be a dad is to constantly remind your children you love them, give them lots of hugs, and remember to support their interests, not yours.
on “Ask HN: Guide to becoming a dad?” ↗…salespeople? It depends on the context. Maybe you needed to learn something, maybe he did, or maybe you both did. Many parenting books do not regard this as "Punishment", yet it is still discipline. See "Positive Discipline" for more on this topic.
on “Why Punish?” ↗…told he was bad. The point is to not do that. > Children certainly need boundaries and rules Rules are paramount in "Positive Disipline". From the section "Creating Rules" [1]: > In her book entitled Positive Discipline, Jane Nelsen emphasizes the importance of not only creating clear rules, but of making them fair... Positive discipline is anything but permissive parenting. The point of the statement you quoted is…
on “When I was labeled a ‘troubled’ teen, I obliged” ↗The field of "Positive Discipline" [1] or "Positive Parenting" provides workable solutions. There may not be a quick fix. The idea is to reinforce good behavior while weaning bad ones. There are a ton of podcasts and books on this topic…
on “When I was labeled a ‘troubled’ teen, I obliged” ↗Fair enough! Positive Discipline wouldn't be my go-to approach (no formalized, available in book form would be by the way), so. I stick with Space Cowboys: "Lord, don't let us screw up." Not screwing up your kids is already high enough…
on “When I was labeled a ‘troubled’ teen, I obliged” ↗I was recommended the Positive Discipline series by my Satguru. I'm reading the edition for toddlers and concurrently the one for older children (but not teens). It's all very interesting. The premises is that most parents practice (with whatever…
on “Ask HN: What are you reading lately?” ↗