Mating in Captivity
by Esther Perel · first published 2006
100% recommend
Why HN recommends it
Explores how comfort and safety in a long-term relationship can dampen sexual desire and excitement, offering realizations and examples; suited to couples and anyone thinking about how to meet a partner's needs.
Summarised by Claude from recommending comments
Why does great sex so often fade for couples who claim to love each other as much as ever? Can we want what we already have? Why does the transition to parenthood so often spell erotic disaster? Does good intimacy always make for good sex? Ether Perel takes on these tough questions, grappling with the obstacles and anxieties that arise when our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. She invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home. In her twenty years of clinical experience, Perel has t
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…Infinity - David Deutsch Dear Friend, From My Life I Write To You in Your Life - Yiyun Li Hillbilly Elegy - JD Vance Inadequate Equilibria - Eliezer Yudkowsky The Neapolitan Novels - Elena Ferrante Mating In Captivity - Esther Perel Our Mathematical Universe - Max Tegmark Radical Candor - Kim Scott Scale - Geoffrey West The Seventh Day - Yu Hua Somebody with a Little Hammer - Mary Gaitskill Stubborn Attachments…
on “Ask HN: What are some interesting books you read in 2017?” ↗Mating in Captivity - Esther Perel She takes a post-modern stance on creating relationships that work rather than just following society’s prescribed path.
on “Ask HN: Best books you read in the past decade?” ↗If people consider marriage as a contract of exchange, then it is already a form of legalized prostitution. Monogamy might be a bigger underlying problem. Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity in a good read on this topic.
on “Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?” ↗…written a "relationship design document" (classic PM move) outlining what matters to them in a relationship, citing sources like this as well as lived experience. I also enjoyed reading Esther Perel's "Mating in Captivity": https://amzn.to/3lho4gP, which discusses the tension between eroticism and stability (what it takes to get into a relationship vs what it takes to stay in a relationship). I do agree with the premise…
on “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person (2016)” ↗'Mating in Captivity' by Esther Perel is also quite good in terms of realizing whether you can meet the Needs of your partner and what to do if you cant.
on “Ask HN: Do you recall any book or course that made a topic finally click?” ↗