How to make friends and influence people
by Francis Elliot · first published 2001
57% recommend32% neutral12% critical
Why HN recommends it
Practical, easy-to-read guide to people skills: listening, showing real interest, remembering names, handling criticism and disagreement. Suits shy or geeky engineers and new leaders who want to talk to people better.
Summarised by Claude from recommending comments
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How to Make Friends and Influence People
on “Ask HN: What was the one book that you read and it actually changed your life?” ↗My friend! Best thing ON EARTH for this is a very famous book on the subject "How to Make Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. I recommend the audio version. It's practical and effective. Don't waste time, read/listen to it and apply the principles it teaches. This is the Wikipedia entry about the book. Use…
on “How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?” ↗How to make friends and influence people
on “Ask HN: What books/activities do you recommended for being more charismatic?” ↗That's an interesting and enlightening perspective. Thank you for sharing. Have you read the famous book How To Make Friends And Influence People? I found it changed my definition of "manipulation" substantially. In a democratic society, distributing the burdens and surpluses of society is an exercise in persuading people.
on “No politics please, we're hackers, too busy to improve the world” ↗"how to make friends and influence people" A lot of my managerial lessons have come from that book.
on “Ask HN: What books changed the way you think about almost everything?” ↗As someone who moved to the US at a young age, reading How to Make Friends and Influence People explained a lot of the apparent insincerity/fakeness that bothered me in both business and personal interactions, and that had been very much a mystery to me. How did that go again? Dear $FIRSTNAME…
on “Ask HN: What books changed the way you think about almost everything?” ↗…because you just need to keep engaging with what they’re saying! Doesn’t matter if it’s boring or inconsequential. Ask a question. Mention a similar experience you had. I really recommend the classic How to Make Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie — 80 or something years old, and still a wonderful book on how to, basically, be someone people want to talk to and enjoy your time talking to people.
on “Ask HN: How to initiate or respond to small talk (not the programming language)?” ↗Superintelligence by Nick Bosstrom How to make friends and influence people Black Swan by Nassim Taleb
on “Ask HN: Life Changing Books?” ↗"Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion" by Robert B. Cialdini (1984) "How to Make Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie (1936) Two great books that could lure a curious mind into sales. However, I recommend both to everyone.
on “Ask HN: Which book can attract anyone towards your field of study?” ↗…to correct other people if they had false beliefs. This was not an endearing trait, and even worse, I was never particularly successful at convincing the other people. One day, I read a passage from "How to make friends and influence people". It said something along the lines of: "The point of an argument is to convince the other person of something. If what you're doing is not working, then do something else." BAM I'm not perfect, but…
on “What Is the Most Valuable Thing You Can Learn in One Hour?” ↗…and in no particular order, I have extensive notes from (and thus enjoyed): * 7 Habits of Highly Effective People * Beyond Chocolate * Driven From Within (Michael Jordan biography) * Get Altitude * How To Make Friends and Influence People * Iron John (Robert Bly) * Meditations (Marcus Aurelius) * Never Eat Lunch Alone * Psychocybernetics * Pulling Your Own Strings * Ready For Anything (same author as GTD) * The Dip * Ten Days to…
on “Getting Things Done – Revised 2015” ↗Not really programming books, but these have helped me with programming jobs. -How to make friends and influence people. Anyone who works collaboratively with people needs to be able to communicate effectively. -The Elements of style. Writing understandable code is similar to any other type of writing.
on “Ask HN: What language-agnostic programming books should I read?” ↗Read "How to Make Friends and Influence People". Oh you said besides that...well practice what it preaches. Us folk (geeks/nerds/hackers) tend to like to show how much we know about a subject. Some old dude is talking about how his phone can now…
on “Ask YC: Best ways to become socially adept?” ↗I found that "How to Make Friends and Influence People" was really good but more suited to the workplace/building up business contacts.
on “Ask YC: Best ways to become socially adept?” ↗All three of the attributes I listed are weaknesses. Born leaders don't often lose their temper in front of subordinates. You should read "How to Make Friends and Influence People" It contains quite a few examples of what true leadership is.
on “Steve Jobs' first boss: 'Very few companies would hire Steve, even today'” ↗